December 20, 2008

A Typical Saturday Morning...

This morning, after feeding the kids breakfast, cleaning up the kitchen, getting Ross settled into a movie, helping Grant navigate to play some computer games, and getting Hope dressed, I decided to seize the opportunity to take a quick shower while Hope played quietly with toys in the's how it went:

Turn on water. Climb in. exhale a sigh of relief at the hot water and peace and quiet.

Oops. Exhaled too soon.

Ross, tromping up the stairs and into the bathroom: "Mommy! I have to go potty."

Me: "Try to unzip your jammies so you can sit on the toilet."

Ross, crying in frustration: "I need help!!" I peek out behind the shower curtain to see him flail-kicking his feet in a futile effort to whip the footie pajamas off his feet.

Me: "All right! I can help you, but you have to scoot closer because I can't reach you." I grab the toes of the jammies and yank them off, dripping a little water on them.

Ross: "Mom! It's wet!" Um, yeah, it is. I'm in the shower for pete's sake!

Me: "Okay. Rip off your pull up and sit on the potty."

It's quiet again. I lather up my hair and wash my face.

Ross, excitedly: "MOM! I went poop!" Super. How am I supposed to wipe his butt while I'm in the shower? Oh hell, he can walk around for a minute until I finish.

Me: "Try to wipe you bottom. I'll finish it when I get out." At this point, I hear the footsteps of my eldest barrelling down the hallway.

Grant: "AAHHHHRRGHH! I HATE it when this happens, mom! I accidentally hit something on the computer and lost my game and I was on level three! Now I'm gonna have to start over! UHHAHH!" (I'm not quite sure how to capture angry whining in print)

Ross: "Mom, I got poop on my finger!"

Me, losing it: "All right! Ross, come over here! I'll wash off your finger. Grant, all I wanted to do was have 20 minutes to shower and get ready without the two of you bugging me! GO GET DRESSED!"

I can hear little thumps on the bathroom floor. I peek out again and see that it's Hope. Sweet little Hope, scooting around on her bottom.

Finish showering. Turn off water. Climb out and dry off. Wipe a poop marble out of Ross's butt while both of us are stark naked. Lovely.

What is it about being a mom that turns you into a female version of the Pied Piper of Hamelin? When I go to the bathroom, they find me and walk in without even pausing. "Mom, guess what? Ross threw a lego at me and it almost hit the side of my head." When I'm getting dressed, they come in. "You have boobies, mommy." When I take Hope upstairs for her nap, two boys who were completely oblivious to my presence mere moments ago suddenly realize I am not on the same floor of the house as they are, and they race up and into Hope's room to be with me.

May I just say that in our house, the boys NEVER walk in on Daddy in the bathroom or follow him all over the place. I guess I'm just special. ;)


TBRKO said...

Okay I laughed out loud AGAIN! That is awesome. Why is it that mom's always get harassed???? I have no lock on our bedroom bathroom door (mine), yet Thad's bathroom downstairs does.
Glad to know it's not just my house that is chaos almost all the time.
At least we can all laugh at these stories. Keep it up Erin!

Erin said...

Just another day in the life, right? I know we'll miss these days when they're over.

Emily said...

Too funny! I finally made a blog! You'll have to check it out!

ABCDH said...

This might possibly be the BEST post yet! I laughed all the way through it! It is so relatable that it's scary.